Areas of Expertise

Parent-Adolescent Conflict

Adolescent independence is a key theme around which parent-teen conflict occurs. Disagreements about issues such as curfew, dating, and chores frequently reflect an adolescent’s growing desire for individuation. Although some conflict is normal at this developmental stage, the manner in which these disputes are handled determines whether these issues resolve or escalate to clinically significant proportions. Successful treatment relies heavily on building skills in family problem-solving, communication, and conflict resolution. Though families typically attempt these techniques on their own, many find that the objective support of a trained therapist helps to maintain fairness, consistency, and willingness to change.

Early adolescence marks the emergence for most youths of formal operational thought. Abilities to think and reason logically mean that many teens now have the ability to present logical arguments to their parents. Some conflict between adolescents and their parents is normal during this adjustment period of initial independence-seeking behaviors. The manner in which families react to the challenges of teenage individuation determines whether these normal issues are resolved or whether they escalate to clinically significant proportions. Conflict is heightened when adolescents wish to obtain autonomy in decision making at a faster rate than their parents feel they are capable of handling responsibly. Problems also occur when parents fail to become involved in the process, allowing the adolescent too much autonomy in decision making.

When one small problem after another accumulates (without resolution), it may snowball and change the way we feel about each other. It is important to discuss issues as they arise. The longer you wait to discuss these issues, the greater the likelihood of negative ruminating and resentment. It is important to arrange frequent home discussion periods to clearly identify what behaviours are in need of change (and what positives have been noticed and appreciated).

Contracting means writing down the specific behaviors and the reinforcing arrangements that are agreed upon by the persons involved. The older the persons involved, the more important it is that the agreement be negotiated by both parties. It is a good idea to write down any agreements among adults and adolescents that concern time, money, or work (e.g., one half-hour of homework to be completed by 7pm.each evening for unlimited telephone access). Signatures of all parties and posting the agreement in a visible location has been identified as significantly more effective than verbal agreements.